Guy Actually Reads YouTube Comments, Takes Them Seriously

Herbert Jordan of Portsmouth, NH, said later last evening that he actually reads the comments on videos posted on YouTube.com, and takes them seriously. He'll even read deep into the last pages of comments and base decisions on what irrelevant idiots had to say about the video.

"I love the interactive environment" said Jordan, "YouTube comments are how I spend most of my time, the people there are genuine and don't judge me or anybody else. They like to make the YouTube experience better, and my YouTube experience is soooooo much better than other peoples, because i read the comments to get the full immersion in the video and its standpoint in the internet blah blah blah blah blah yada yada yada OMG! etc. RON PAUL FOR THE LONG HAUL!!!!!"

Jordan rarely actually comments on YouTube videos, instead acting as a human sponge, absorbing all of the prepubescent and idiotic opinions, and acting as almost a human representation of every YouTube comment since 2005. He has a YouTube T-shirt that he wears often.

Jordan also doesn't post videos on YouTube, saying that posting isn't part of his mission.

"It's up to me to be knowledgeable about the largest social network video site on the internet. It has so much importance in future history, and it really matters what the people who are on this historic site say, THATS A FAKE ITS FAKE heh, that was funny lol."

Indeed, YouTube does serve an important role in society, and Jordan has dedicated his life to knowledge of the commenting on YouTube. Many in the community believe he should get paid for his work and have commissioned the town for a salary. Among them are his mom, Delila Jordan.

"Well, he certainly spends a lot of time reading those comments, and he doesn't have a job, And this would be a great opportunity for him to...move out."

"YouTube does serve a vital role in society" John stated, "And as long as it's there, people like me are going to dedicate their lives to it."

Google Invents Web 4.0, Won't Share

CEO of Google Eric Schmidt announced today that chief scientists at Google Labs have stumbled upon Web 4.0, the next-gen version of the internet that puts our internet (Web 2.0) to shame.

"It's so much faster" Says Google employee Nate Sheckenhausen, "It's a whole new experience, with all new audio and visual stimuli that allow me to see the internet in a new dimension, my productivity rate has increased tenfold since I started using it. It will really be great to see the technological advances this will allow for Google." Adding, "God I love my job."

Unfortunately, Schmidt has said he won't release Web 4.0, "until it's ready." saying that the new web revolution still needs some tweaking and cleaning so that, "Google for Web 4.0 will be the best way to do anything ever, it may even replace food."

When asked how Google made this new discovery, Schmidt explained, "Well, one of our scientists just finished taking a dump on our Japanese gold-plated, electronic, auto-flushing, wipe-your-ass-for-you toilets when he decided to search our own database for "Web 4.0" and it turns out the collective digital genius of all our employees had actually created it a few months ago.

"I just typed it in and it was there" says Johnathan Coleham, the scientist who discovered it. "I think the toilet might have had something to do with it."

Whatever the reason, Google has invented a new platform that the rest of the world will probably end up utilizing and worshipping for years to come.